Lonely Eyes
by VickySue2132
Summary: Lonely Eyes is a story featuring Jacksepticeye and Markiplier. Two best friends coming to terms with their feelings...But where do they go from there? Heavy romance, a little bit of sadness, slow build, eventually explicit. TRIGGER WARNING Contains slight self harm (unscheduled updates)
1. Chapter 1

Lonely Eyes

Jack sighs, pushing his chair back from his computer, shutting everything off. He took his time, knowing he was just avoiding spending another sleepless night alone in his cold apartment. He ran a hand through his hair, glancing around his room. He'd just finished a game of Overwatch with Mark, deciding to end it after that last round because it was two in the morning for him. Jack hated their time difference. He'd gotten absolutely no sleep. It was 10 a.m. for him. He jumped at his phone dinging. Jack reached over and grabbed it, making for his bed. Until it went off again. And again. _Jesus, who'd be texting me at this hour? _He thought, finally checking his notifications as he plopped onto his bed. His breathe caught in his throat when he saw who they were from. _Mark?_

**M: Hey. I don't want to bug you. I kept you up all night. I'm sure you're tired. **

**M: I shouldn't have texted you.**

**M: Text me back, just to let me know you aren't upset, if nothing else.**

Jack chewed his lip, thinking. Mark should be sleeping right now. He never texted Jack after they signed off for the night. Something must be wrong.

**J: I'm here, Mark. Was just getting things turned off. I'd never be upset with you for needing to talk. You know I'm always here.**

Jack waited. Ten seconds. He held his breath. Twenty-five. He bit his cheek. After thirty seconds, he got a reply. Jack instantly relaxed.

**M: Yeah, I know Jack. I'm sorry. I haven't slept in days.**

**J: I know what you mean. What can I do?**

**M: Can we video call for a bit? I don't mind if you fall asleep on call, even. I just need to see you.**

Jack stared at his phone for a moment. This wasn't exactly an odd request. But it wasn't one Mark made, either. He pressed the video call button in response and Marks face showed up on Jack's phone after half a ring. _Is he-HE IS! _Jack realized Mark was laying in his bed, his glasses on, red fringe sticking up slightly at odd angles. He looked like he'd been trying to sleep. But failing miserably. "Mark yeh look awful. Are you alright?" Mark laughed lightly, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I'm getting there, Jack. Thanks for this." Jack smiled. "I wanted to talk to yeh anyway. About...Speptiplier. Wade made a comment about it before he left us on Overwatch..." Jack trailed off, running a hand through his vibrant green hair.

"Look, Jack if it bothered you, tell him. We joke around but we never purposely hurt each other." Mark's brown eyes softened with concern for his friend. Jack shook his head. "It didn't, though. It... helped me think. God, Mark I've been thinking about it for months now. I can't stand it. I was scared to say anything because you're my best friend but I have to...I need to sort these thoughts out and I can't do it alone, Mark." Jack ran a hand over his face, falling back onto his pillows. "Jack," it was barely above a whisper. Without thinking, he told Mark, "It's Sean."

"Sean. I didn't know you struggled with these thoughts. Why didn't you tell me? Because I'm confused too. I don't know what I want." Jack closed his eyes, suddenly exhausted. "We should sleep, Mark. You can stay on call. Just rest. We're both tired. We can talk more in the morning." Mark nodded, grateful for the chance to think. "Close your eyes, Mark. Deep, steady breaths. Relax. Sleep." and he did. He closed his eyes, he breathed deeply. He drifted off, falling asleep to Jack's lonely blue eyes. He hoped those lonely eyes wouldn't be lonely for long.


	2. Chapter 2

Jack woke up to his phone beeping, signaling it was about to die. He sleepily reached for his charger before he heard his name. "Sean? Are you alive, man?" Jack opened his eyes, smiled and plugged his phone in. Mark was still there. Jack had fallen asleep last night, watching Mark peacefully rest. Listening to him breathe. He checked the time and almost jumped out of bed. It was 4 p.m. Meaning in was 8 in the morning for Mark. "No." Jack groaned, rubbing his face with one hand, holding the phone with the other. "Oh. I-I can hang up, if you want. I haven't been watching you sleep for hours or anything creepy. I woke up about ten minutes ago and your phone started beeping." Jack shook his head. "Jesus Mark, I'm not worried about yeh watching me. I just can't believe I slept so much. I haven't slept in weeks. I don't have to record today. I have a lot that I can set to upload from this morning thanks to Robin. Did Kathryn get anything edited for you?" Mark nodded. Jack sighed and sat up, his hair sticking up at odd angles. Mark assumed he looked the same. He nodded. "Yeah. She managed to get two videos out of that mess yesterday." They both laughed, remembering battering each other verbally, calling each other names and threatening one another.

Finally, Jack said, "Mark. Are you still willing to talk?" Mark nodded. "But you'll have to be quiet and patient, otherwise I won't be able to talk." Mark looked at Jack until he nodded, agreeing. "I don't know how I feel, exactly. I definitely care about you a lot Jack-Sean," Mark corrects himself before Jack can. "But...It goes beyond friends. I mean, Wade, Tylor and Bob are all really close friends but I've never wanted to kiss them. So... Yeah, I want to kiss you. But it's more than that, Sean." Mark closes his eyes, taking off his glasses. "You can speak now. I have nothing left to say at the moment." Jack smiled. "Thanks, fer sharing that, Mark. I feel similar. I was afraid that'd I'd say something and yeh'd flip shit, not wanting to be around me anymore, or something. I don't know. I just didn't want to lose you." Mark nodded sympathetically and they sat in silence for a while. "I think I need to come see you," Jack said quietly. Mark nodded. "I think that would help. And if you come next week, you'll be able to stay here three weeks and we could go to PAX East." Jack smiled. He liked the idea of staying with Mark until PAX. He nodded. "We should get to work setting up content to be released while I'm up there. Set a decent pace though so yeh get some sleep." Mark grinned and shook his head.

"Just for that Mcloughlin, I'm going to work like a dog gone crazy." Mark stuck his tongue out at Jack, which Jack returned, alongside a middle finger. Mark played a hurt face, causing Jack to giggle. "We should probably get to work if we're stock piling two weeks' worth." Mark nodded in agreement. He liked how Jack could easily slide into work like that. He always got things done. They made arrangements to play Prop Hunt later that day, Jack swearing to destroy Mark. When Jack finally sat down at his computer, he wasn't tired anymore. "Top o' the mornin' to yeh laddies, my name is Jacksepticeye and welcome to Weird stuff I bought online!" Jack was animated and happy throughout the recording process, making it seem like it went faster than it did. Before he knew it, Mark had texted him.

**M: How's it going? Ready to get annihilated?**

**J: In your dreams, Fischbach!**

**M: You're on, Mcloughlin**

Jack signed on, laughing. Wade, Bob and Mark were already in the lobby. "Took you long enough, Jack." Wade shook his head teasingly. "Don't tell me you've been working!" Jack smiled. "Not a chance Wade. My channel is completely dead." Wade laughed. "Ready to suffer, Jack?" Mark smirked. "Let's go! I'm gonna blow you up LIKE A BOSS!" Jack threw up his arms and screamed the last part, sending Mark into a laughing fit. "Alright, Septiplier. Can we play now?" Bob asked, causing silence. "Yeah. Let's play, guys." Jack said stiffly.

Jack was less animated throughout the game after Bob's Septiplier reference. "Oh! Gotcha Mark!" Jack shot the table Mark was disguised as, but he was much quieter than he usually was when he found Mark. "Well guys I should get back to work... We can play more later or something." Without another word, Jack signed off and stood up from his chair so quickly he almost tripped. He went to his nightstand and starting looking, when his phone went off. He ignored it, continuing his search. Then it rang and he picked it up, surprised that to find that it was Mark. "Are you good, man? You kind of took off in the middle of a game and you practically let me win. You never do that." Jack sighed. "I can't talk about it right now. I have to go. I'm sorry. I promise I'll call yeh Mark. I just have to take care of something." He hung up before Mark could say anything. _Where the hell is it? _Jack thought a moment before he found it. "Aha! There you are old pal..." Jack held up the damaged pen cap. He'd chewed on the edges of the opening until it was sharp like a saw. He occasionally used it to make circles in his arm. They healed fairly quickly, didn't bleed much, and weren't as noticeable as cut marks. He rolled up his sleeve, baring the underside of his forearm. He relaxed his arm, then tensed it, repeating the process a few times until the veins in his arms stood out that way, he could make sure he didn't hit any. He pressed the pen cap into his arm and twisted slightly, doing the same thing eight times. He hoped they would be gone by the time he went to California next week. He hoped Mark wouldn't notice them. He traced the faint scars of past circles. He wished he'd never done it.


	3. Chapter 3

Mark paced back and forth on in his bedroom. Two hours ago, Jack promised to call him back. He knew it had something to do with Bob's comment. He didn't think it would bother Jack his much. Mark stopped, hit by the sudden realization._ He took it differently because of how we feel about each other. _Mark sat down on the edge of his bed, burying his face in his hands. He jumped out of his skin when his phone rang, scrambling to pick it up. "Damnit Sean! What happened? I've been stressing over you for two hours now!" Mark heard Jack suck in a breath, and was shocked to hear the edge in his own voice. He softened his tone. "I... I'm sorry. I didn't think... God Sean, are you okay? You were genuinely upset. I've never seen you that quiet." Mark listened to Jack breathe for a moment. Then, "I like when you call me Sean. Reminds me that I'm more than Jacksepticeye, famous youtuber. Reminds me I'm a person. Septiplier isn't a person. It's a thing people invented. It's not us. Even if we were together. It's just a reminder we aren't. It's a constant reminder than I'm halfway across the world from you and it's killing me every day. I cannot wait to be there with yeh, Mark. Even if things don't work out. I need to be physically close to you." Mark closed his eyes, taking it all in. Jack was hurting. Jack needed him. Not in a week. Now. "Book your flight." Jack looked confused. I can't book a flight for next week today Mark-" Mark cut him off. "I want you here tomorrow. You need me." Mark swallowed. "I need you." Jack nodded and used his computer to schedule a flight for seven the next morning. "My flight is scheduled. It's early in the morning, so I'd better get some sleep." Mark nodded. "I'll be there to pick you up. Everything'll be okay, Sean. You'll see." Mark smiled, making Jack smile after a moment. "Thank you, Mark. Goodnight. Please sleep." Mark promised he would, then hung up the phone. He slept with Jack's words inside his head and anxiety in his heart.

Jack woke up to his alarm going off at six. He sat up, grabbing his phone to silence his alarm. He had a handful of text messages from Mark

**M: It'll be okay, Sean. I'll be waiting for you**

**M: I'll even let you pick where we eat**

Jack smiled. Mark always knew what he needed. Whether it was to play until he passed out or simple reassurance. Mark was there. Jack wondered if Mark would still me there by the time this experiment was over. He filed the thought away for future consideration. No point in turning back now, anyway.

The plane carrying Jack landed in LAX. Mark watched as people filed out, keeping a careful eye out for his Sean. He'd probably be wearing a hoodie and baseball cap to keep from being seen. Mark wondered if he'd be wearing the skinny jeans he loved so much. Then, as if brought by Mark's thoughts, Jack stepped off the plane. He looked...nervous? His shoulders set into a hard line, standing rigid. He turned around and spotted Mark, his face instantly changing. Mark watched with interest as Jack's shoulders relaxed, his posture softening as Mark walked towards him, meeting Jack halfway. Jack wrapped his arms around Mark's shoulders, burying his face into Marks chest. "Hey...It's alright Sean." Mark soothed, holding Jack around the waist with one arm, petting his hair with the other. Jack let himself he held for a moment, grateful for the comfort and warmth of Mark. He released Mark after a moment. Jack smiled. "Let's go to Langer's for lunch!" Mark laughed, grabbing Jacks bags and heading for the car, putting them in the back seat. "Those can sit there and you sit up front with me." Mark booped Jack on the nose, causing him to giggle. They climbed into the car, happy to start this adventure. "So, Langer's? Why there?" Mark glanced at Jack briefly before looking back at the road. Jack grinned. "We used to go there with the Cyndago guys before..." Jack trailed off, the smile slipping off his face. Mark shook his head. "It's okay Sean. I miss him too. Especially since Daniel was my first editor. But he was also my best friend. A lot ended when we lost him. But that doesn't mean everything has to end." Mark reached over and gave Jack's arm a squeeze. Jack smiled faintly. "New adventures, new beginnings, yeah?" Mark nodded. Jack gasped, plugging in the Aux cord into his phone, playing Here Come the Mummies' new album. Mark looked at him with a huge smile on his face. "You always know, Sean." Jack elbowed him playfully. "No, I just know what yeh like." Mark raised an eyebrow and Jack blushed, making Mark laugh. Mark glanced at Jack's phone. "What's that playlist? It says "My Mind" play that one. I want to hear what's inside your head." Jack shook his head. "It's not happy music, Mark. I don't want to make you sad." Mark let it drop for now. He wondered about the storms Jack was facing without him.

Mark pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant, cutting the engine but not getting out. He looked at Jack expectantly. Jack made a confused face. "What? Is my cap crooked?" Jack reached up and fidgeted with his baseball cap. Mark shook his head. "Hit shuffle. We'll just listen to the first song it plays and then we'll eat and we can talk about it later." Jack sighed. There was no way he'd get out of this. He took a deep breath and hit shuffle. The song that started playing made him flinch.

_I'm always so alone_

_Even when surrounded _

_By people that I know_

_I'm always so astounded _

_By my ability to ruin everything_

_Losing friends and starting fires everyone thinks I'm a liar_

_I always stay at home_

_Cause I'm not good in public_

_I sit here on my phone_

_I'm always disappointed_

_I watch them live their lives_

_I wish that I were happy_

_Victim of my generation_

_Time machines cannot erase it_

_Who am I supposed to be?_

_When will I be complete?_

_When will they be proud of me?_

_It's getting harder to see_

_Slit my wrists, bloody fists_

_Questioning why I exist_

_Pain persists, evil gifts_

_Fucking up my life to shit_

_I'm worthless, I'm worthless_

_I'm worthless, slit my wrists until I bleed out_

_I try to stay strong, no matter what I do_

_I'm always in the wrong_

_It never gets easier_

_But maybe that's the point_

_It's part of growing up_

_Messing up and learning from it_

_That's just life its necessary._

_Clinging to hope_

_What else is there to live for?_

_Got nowhere to go_

_What else is pain good for?_

_I am confident that your life has a purpose_

_It's okay you will get through it_

_Don't give up cause someone needs you_

_Who am I supposed to be?_

_When will I be complete?_

_When will they be proud of me?_

_It's getting harder to see_

_Slit my wrists_

_Bloody fists_

_Questioning why I exist_

_Pain persists, evil gifts_

_Fucking up my life to shit_

_I'm worthless, I'm worthless_

_I'm worthless, slit my wrists until I bleed out_

_Please don't give up, _

_gotta stay strong, gotta move on_

_Gotta know hope, when you feel low_

_Please you gotta know,_

_That someone needs you_

_Slit my wrists, bloody fists_

_Questioning why I exist_

_Pain persists, evil gifts_

_Fucking up my life to shit_

_I'm worthless, I'm worthless_

_I'm worthless, slit my wrists until I bleed out_

_I'm worthless, I'm worthless_

_I'm worthless, slit my wrists until I bleed out_

Mark was silent throughout the whole song, listening. When it was finally over, he grabbed Jack's phone and looked at the title. Worthless, by Eli. He shook his head sadly, stepping out of the car. Jack followed suit, circling around the front of the car to get to Mark. He handed Jack back his phone, slipping it into his pocket. Jack kept his eyes downcast, afraid to look up and find judgment. Or worse. Disgust. "Sean, look at me please." Mark begged quietly. Jack took a deep breath and looked up into Marks soft brown eyes, finding nothing but love and... sadness. Pain. Jack flinched at the thought of causing Mark pain. Mark wrapped his arms around Jack, holding him tight against his chest. He buried his face in Jack's hair. Mark wasn't sure how long he held Jack-rather, Jack held him- for, but he finally let him go. Mark wiped his eyes discreetly, attempting to cover up his tears. One escaped out of the corner of his eye and, reflexively, Jack reached up and wiped it away with his thumb. "No tears, love. Please no tears." Jack looked Mark in the eyes and Mark was once again hit with how lonely Jack's bright blue eyes were. "_Lonely eyes," _Mark murmured without realizing it. "What's that?" Mark shook his head but Jack gave him the no bullshit look. Mark sighed and unlocked his phone, pulling up a picture of Jack when they last played Prop Hunt. Jack was looking right at the camera, his bright blue eyes dulled by the heaviness of his thoughts. "You look happy all the time, until I look into your eyes. Then I realize how lonely you look." Jack studied the picture, realizing Mark was correct. Jack looked horribly lonely. But it was deeper than that. He looked like a man who'd been in pain his whole life. Jack nodded. "Let's go eat. We can talk more later, yeah?" Mark smiled and followed Jack into the restaurant, wondering how long he's been hurting without anybody noticing.

About an hour later Mark was stepping through his front door with Jack in tow. "Spare bedroom's down the hall from mine. I'll take your suitcase there. You can set up the PS3 and pick a game." Mark bounded up the stairs while Jack crouched in front of the gaming set up, switching the TV settings and turning on the system. He picked an old game, Lord of the Rings conquest. He played it on PS3 when it first came out but that was years ago. He heard Mark's footsteps before he actually reached the stairs. He smiled. _Seems he's excited,_ Jack mused. "Lord of the Rings? Seriously Sean you are such a geek." Mark smiled, shaking his head and grabbing a controller. Jack elbowed him. "Hey, it's a game we have to work together on. Don't worry, I'll make sure we lose." Mark glared at him. "You better fucking not, Mcloughlin. I will lock you in that bedroom." Mark stopped smiling when he realized how that sounded, making Jack laugh quite hard. "R-really?" He wheezed. "Good grief Fischbach. You look like you just had a stroke. I know what you meant." Jack raised an eyebrow, still teasing Mark. "Damn you!" Mark said, grinning and flicked Jack's ear. They went back and forth like this for another twenty minutes before actually playing the game, Jack fulfilling his promise to make them lose horribly. Either by quickly dying or letting the enemies swarm Mark. After about three hours of this, Mark was fed up. "That's it, Jack," Mark tossed his controller down and grabbed Jack around the waist, throwing him over his shoulder. Jack ran his fingers lightly over Mark's side and whispered, "It's Sean." Mark shook his head. "You're in time out now, Mcloughlin." Mark bounded up the stairs again, bouncing Jack as much as possible without dropping him on his head. He nudged the door of the spare bedroom open with his foot and flopped Jack onto the bed. He tried to sit up. "No. Stay." Mark tried to sound angry but ended up laughing. Jack joined him, the sound of their laughs filling in the empty space of the house. "Jesus... I don't even know what I'm doing. I was like, put the bad Irish boy there...then what?" Jack laughed again, trying to catch his breath. "Bad Irish boy," Jack repeated. "You're fucking awesome, Mark." Mark closed his eyes. "Alright over there?" Jack looked concerned. Mark opened his eyes and smiled. "Yeah. I love the way you say my name. Maerk. It's the Irish in yeh!" Mark mimicked Jack decently. Jack smiled. "Not bad. But still not quite the Irish wonder that is my accent." Mark shook his head. "I'm gonna order pizza. Here. TV remote. Pick something." Mark picked up the remote off the dresser and tossed it to Jack, leaving the room. He flipped through Netflix for a bit before settling on Tramps, a movie about a heist and unexpected Romance. Jack smiled. Mark loved stupid movies like this. "What'd you pick?" Mark flopped down on the bed next to Jack. "Uh... Tramps. Yes?" Mark nodded. "I've never seen it but I've heard a lot about it. I think it'll be good." Mark smiled. "When'll the pizza be here? I think I'm dying, Mark." Jack faked fainting. "Hey," Mark said, reaching for him. "You're still wearing your hoodie. Aren't you hot?" Jack was about to take it off when he remembered he was wearing a short sleeve and Mark would probably see the circles he carved into his skin. He decided not to care and took it off. "There you go. Wait, Sean what's-" Mark reached for Jack's arm, Jack trying to pull away but Mark got his arm before he could pull away. He turned his arm, palm up. "Sean..." A tear escaped Mark's eye and he runs his thumb lightly over one of the circles. He hugged Jack tightly. "I'm sorry I was never here when you needed me. I'm so sorry Sean." Mark whispered, tears streaming down his face.

Author's Note

I'm sorry for untimed, unexpected updates, everyone! I know this story isn't very good but I'm trying. I'm running on four hours of sleep while trying to keep my A's up in school plus throw in wrestling practice and I'm kind of fucked. I got the idea for the pen cap from myself. Because I do that. Don't worry about it please. I'm fine, I promise. If you like this story or you think I could improve somehow, let me know, because like I said. Its trash. Thanks, ya'll. Also, Song credits to Worthless by Eli. -Vicky S.


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